Valinta, vapaus.

Australia is a self proclaimed nation that allows free thought, free speech and free actions. This means that people are supposedly born with choices. However, while everyone applauds those who say this, they do not realise what some people miss out on. They do not realise that deep within society are family pressures that take away this freedom and the ability to make choices for themselves. That thanks to the way this government has set up this country, and the way this country was and still is established, people are more often than not, unable to make free choices in this country.

My entire life has been determined by what my mother wants, and moving to Queensland is just another example of it. The closest I've come to being able to make my own decisions in this small minded, tight knit community of people who repress any sort of intelligent life form that threatens their structure, is to choose my own subjects at school. And lets be honest, because my community is so against people branching out there were a small selection to begin with.

Short of abandoning my family and taking refuge in another persons home for a the next two years, I have nothing I can do to make my own decisions. I was forced into this move. When we get there, I will be forced into paying the bills because my mother never made the choice to get an education and thus a good job, she chose to be a waitress all her life. Because of the choice of location I will be forced into studying the course I want to study via correspondence. Even though my name will be on the lease of the house, I will get no say in anything that happens within said house. Mum intends on having a uni student move in, mum intends on reconnecting the phone and internet with a specific company that I dislike, mum gets to make all the decisions, and I get to pay for it.

I'm sick of being the person that has to deal with everything my mother cannot. She makes so many commitments to so many things, and mostly they are costing her money, and almost always I have to bail her out. It's not my job, at not even 19 years old, to spend my money cleaning up after her. She should stop and sort out what she can afford before dragging me into her messes. But I don't get a choice. It's go along with everything she wants or basically end up with no future, no home to live in, no qualifications, no ability to create the future I envision myself living and nothing to rely on. I don't want to be like that, I've grown up with two parents who never did anything but live on what they earn and never saved a cent. My father was a high school drop out and my mother finished year 12 when her eldest daughter did. 

I want to be able to say that I am better than that, I want to have the ability to make my dreams come true, and with the position I am being forced into right now, it's not going to happen. I will not be putting my name on a lease after this year, I will be moving out in 12 months, paying my own way through life and then moving overseas where I feel I belong better. I will be selling my car in 6 months and I will be putting the money into a saving account and nobody can stop me. It's the end of the line, I turn 19 in 20 days and I will not be held back by people who never got anywhere in life.

I'm sick of everyone giving me hour long lectures about sucking it up for my mother and moving to Queensland for her. Everyone sees things from her side because she has no life, no friends, no money and now, no possessions. I have things, I have money, I have a future, and while I only have a few of them, I have friends. I have the ability to get away, and I'm sick of people not seeing things from this side, the side that has never had a choice in the matter, the side that gets dragged along no matter what, the side that would still have to suffer even if she didn't put any effort into helping with this ridiculous adventure.

I don't want to move, I don't want to act as my mothers bank account constantly, I don't want to have everything I've ever saved for and bought for myself to be used however she sees fit, and I will not put up with it forever. 2 years is my limit in this country. 1 year is my limit in a house with her. 6 months is the limit for my bank account to sit on empty for everyone else. I'm done playing along with everyone elses ride, I'm building my own track and starting my own ride. This is my life, and I will live it as I see fit, despite everyone elses opinions.

It's raining, it's pouring...

You know those days when it's already a bad day, and you've already hit the bottom of your mood scale, yet the world decides to torture you by making nothing go right? I'm having one of those today.

I woke up this morning in an awful mood so I stayed in bed. I just lay in bed until after noon, then decided to get up. Only to find my some what sister here on her lunch break. Now I love Louise, she has been a big part of my life over the past 10 years, but especially in the last year. Over the past few weeks she has taken it upon herself, without actually knowing of my abilities, of the things I do around the house and of the things that are and have been my responsibilities over the past two years, the job of lecturing me every time I breathe. So I got out of bed, in an already bad mood only to receive the longest lecture known to man about how I need to grow up, act my age, start paying the bills which are in fact my mothers bills, start taking responsibility and suck up the fact that we are moving.

Now, as far as moving goes, I think I've come to the understanding that I have no choice and have thus sorted out my intentions for the next two years despite wanting to be approximately 30 hours from the destination which is planned. My level of responsibility around my home often borders on child labour since I am the one who mostly makes sure we are not in debt or having power, phone lines or water cut off or being evicted, so I think I'm plenty capable of handling money and taking responsibility for myself. And as for whatever reasons she has that I am incapable of looking after myself, she should look at her own life and the way her home is run instead of saying that I need to grow up.

So after she left I returned to bed for a little while, to watch more Gossip Girl, because it was my escape route today. Only to find myself spending my afternoon fighting back tears, which I can assure you is a difficult thing for me to do. If it comes to the point I want to cry, and my body actually reaches a point of tears forming, it is obviously effecting me far worse than anyone realises.

It comes to the evening, and my mother has to go and babysit for Louise. She leaves, and reminds me that dinner is cooking. So I decided to wait until the end of the episode of Gossip Girl I was watching to go and get myself some food. When I went to check on the food, it had stuck to the bottom of the pan, everything I tried to touch was destroyed because it was stuck. So I got my food, took it to my room and then people turned up to look at a bed we are selling.

They were two ladies, and one was a blonde with a face that appeared to have had more work done that Heidi Montag to put it nicely. She spent the entire time giving me extremely dirty looks, and I was not at all comfortable with that. However, the other lady seemed nice enough. After they left, they let my dogs out the front door and they like to run away for a minute, so that was fun. Then my sisters small dog refused to come back inside. Instead she went and stood in the backyard until my sister came home and made her come inside. While I was outside trying to make one dog come inside, the other tried to eat my food and it began to rain.

So here I am, with a phone that refuses to do anything that makes it a phone instead of a torch, internet that is barely functioning due to an incompetent provider and family members with no respect towards the capabilities of the internet and the rain pouring outside my bedroom window. I'm not entirely sure my mood could get any worse, but I'm not going to test it because I don't particularly enjoy crying and that is the point I am at right now.

I still don't want to move, I intend on getting a tattoo next month while I'm living with my sister, I have to pay bills for things I'm not using while I stay in Canberra and everyone else is in Hervey Bay and I'm really not sure when I'm going to get there due to a lack of flights. I have 7 nights until the journey begins and who knows how many until it ends. On another note, HSC results and ATAR's are released next week and I know I need a 63.5 and I'm freaking out because I don't think I will get it, and then I have no backup plan. If I don't get those marks, my backup plan is ruined since my first plan was destroyed at the hands of other people.

I hope everyone has a happy holiday period and celebrates in style.

December.

So it's December. It's also 28 days until both the new year and my 19th birthday. After this year having been such an insane mess, I am quite glad to see the new year in. A few small detours in plans have been made, and unfortunately, the disorder of my life right now is starting to mess with my head. This combined with the huge changes headed my way, I'm lost in the maze that is my mind, and nothing is working right. My thoughts are jumbled, my emotions are scattered and worse of all, I can't seem to find the motivation to actually do anything productive because of it all.

Even worse than that, my other, more public blog, has been recently followed by a few people I am quite close to. And while I don't mind that too much, the fact that the person I trust least and live with, that being my younger sister, is now reading my blog, I feel unsafe posting my thoughts on there. With that outlet no longer available, I'm not entirely sure what to do to offload my emotions and thoughts. My inability to talk to people about it is certainly not helping, and I can assure you, I have tried, but it's just not comfortable for me. It's easier to write it all out where anyone can read it, but nobody can really give me feedback.

There are so many things running around that I want to just spit out at the nearest person, but I can't find the words. I just want to curl up in bed for weeks knowing that I'm not even sure where I will be for Christmas or my birthday. I hate not having plans that are set in stone, so it's truly driving me insane. My feelings towards people in general and also specific people are all jumbled too, because I'm sure the stress of everything is just taking a toll in a strange way. If someone would please just sort out all of my issues so I don't have to, I will be very grateful.

I am entirely sure that most of this post did not make sense, and will therefore reflect my thoughts quite well. Since everything is still quite crazy, even outside of my head, I would like to preemptively wish everyone who reads this a happy holidays and a great entrance into the new year.

Crazy, Crazy Week.

The past week has been absolutely nuts, so many things have changed so rapidly I'm not sure how to deal with them. It's all so new to me having never done it before.

Here's the basic run down of the week:

Saturday, my entire backyard changed when someone came and took the sheds away, which is something I haven't ever seen before. It looks entirely strange, especially with piles of things that came from the sheds, and leaves and stuff from on and around the sheds. As you can see, it looks absolutely feral.

The second major change was the inside of my house. Basically all the furniture is in an entirely different place to usual, and even if it's not in an awkward pile somewhere, like my entire bedroom for the moment, it's stacked full of other things for the garage sale that goes all weekend. As for my bedroom, it's basically all of the things that have nowhere else to be. My sisters room has become storage for all the things we are selling that haven't yet found a place, including clothing, and my mothers room is where everyone except me is sleeping, along with various boxes of things we are taking with us. As you can see, even with my dog sleeping in my room, it's kind of unlivable, and that's just one side of it.


The third and final thing is myself. While I am usually not very feminine at all, especially in what I wear, which is usually a pair of skinny jeans and a random band shirt or hoodie, apparently lately I've taken to putting effort into my appearance and wearing coordinated outfits. Twice this week I managed that, while yesterday I just wore all black and today I had things to do so I wore shorts and a shirt. But one day I wore red jeans, a white tank and a red and black scarf, tied together with my black sunglasses. Quite matching, which is strange. And another day I wore turquoise jeans, a shirt that is majority blues and greens, my black sunglasses, a black jacket with a green logo and even a turquoise bra. Extremely well coordinated for someone who usually just puts the closest clothes on. As you can see, it worked well. I took the photo while I was sitting on the lounge playing Red Dead Redemption on my XBox 360 like the feminine little thing I am. My hair was even done that day.


So I'll leave you with that as I contemplate finding something to eat, although food is making me feel ill lately, and thinking of what to do after this weekend is over. I can't believe how fast this whole crazy thing is going, I'm excited and scared all at the same time, and very stoked that I get to fly to the new town instead of taking the 20 hour drive.

Pois vanha, uuden.

Having had a fairly crazy week which was full of doing things which are, for me, out of the ordinary, I decided I would share some of my lovely adventures. Most of which are not particularly exciting, but given that everything right now is kind of new to me, I'd like to talk about it.

As you may or may not know, over the last 2 weeks my mother has been endeavoring to sell everything in our home so that we can pack up and move 20 hours away to the lovely sunshine state. So far, we have sold a relatively decent amount, however, the mass destruction that it has caused within my house and backyard is kind of scary. I've been considering going and digging some trenches since it already resembles a war zone.

That aside, having to get rid of so many things is kind of a shock. While you see everything in your own house everyday, you never quite realise the magnitude of trying to clean it all out until you have to, and believe me, after living for 12 years in one house, there is a lot of accumulated stuff to get rid of.

So the first new thing I've done this week is pack everything inside my room into one box. It's strange having empty shelves and cupboards in my bedroom that I'm still living in for almost another month. I then packed all the clothes I own into a single suitcase, and having had to live from a suitcase for a month before, it's not that hard for me to do, but it's certainly less organised than I am accustomed to.

Second was less of a something I've never done before than it was a something I haven't done for quite a while. That was going to Cooma for lunch with Bottsy. Bottsy is basically the man I call my father, since he has basically raised me, and he has most certainly been there more often than my biological father. So for the first time in quite a while, we went to KFC, him, my mother, my younger sister and myself. It was a nice day out. Then that night we went to dinner with him and his girlfriend, who is a lovely girl and I think she is wonderful for him. We also partook in trivia at the local bowling and sports club, and almost won.


Yesterday, for the first time since I was very young, I got to see my yard without any sheds or the carport. And since I have never seen it with it's cement and no sheds it was an entirely new experience for me. It looks so strange, I'm kind of glad I'm leaving so I don't have to become accustomed to that. However, the dogs were pleased with new territory to explore. I also, for the first time ever, helped man a table at the local markets with Abbey and her mum, who then forced me to take some jewelry she had made home and I felt awful about it. But it did save me money since I managed to get my younger sister a decent Christmas present out of it.


Today, my sister and her son came down for the night, so they will be here until sometime tomorrow. Which is entertaining since my nephew is only 4 months old, and is cute and babbles a lot. It's certainly something different to be around, but it's nice. And for the first time in a while, I have enough time with nobody else in the house to play my XBox, and I have decided Red Dead Redemption is the go for the moment, and will now go and attempt to finish it.

Hair Colours.

This month I had a moment of indecision about what I wanted to do with my hair, so I just coloured it a few times. It went from brown, to blonde, to red, back to brown. All over a 2 week period. My hair is no longer healthy, and I thought I would share the progress of my hair in a few photos. The first photo is of my original brown hair colour, which is an old photo, but it hadn't changed then. The second was the blonde after I had blow dried it. The third was one night when Abbey curled my hair and we decided, for some reason, to look good, even though we were only staying in my room all night. The final photo is from my last exam, I had pigtails in, because I decided finishing school in a circle was a brilliant idea, and hairstyle was the only circle I could decide would work.

Hullu Kertaa.

After having the craziest month and a half, I am back, and probably a little more sensible than before. So, as anyone who lives in New South Wales, Australia would know, the HSC started on the 18th of October, so basically my entire month of October was dedicated to exams. That same week the rest of my household, being my mother and sister, went on a lovely holiday to visit our family in Hervey Bay Queensland. They were gone for almost a fortnight, I had my first 4 HSC exams while they were away.

When they returned, my mother was contemplating moving up there to help her sister, who has an ill husband and four children. On the 10th of November I sat my final HSC exam, and I was fully intending on heading to Melbourne for an interview at SAE to do a bachelor of audio production with them. That interview is set to start in 2 hours, and I am clearly 8 hours away from that destination. That can simply be explained.

In exactly a month I will be living in Queensland, somewhere along Wide Bay soaking up the sun and attempting to combat the heat. I will be applying to do a Bachelor of Business specialising in events management via distance education, and I will probably be looking for a job as well. I will have left the one place I have ever lived, all the people I have ever known, and basically anything familiar for a place that I've never visited in a climate that I have never had to handle.

My house is a shamozzle, a complete mess and nothing can be found anywhere. For example, I need to pay my phone and internet bill, and I remember putting it on my table, but for the life of me, I cannot find it on the table anywhere because of the piles of things that need to be sold, packed or thrown out. My bedroom is almost entirely packed into one box and one suitcase, and a pile of things I am not keeping, such as my 30 jumpers that were necessary here in winter that I will probably not need in the Queensland climate. My backyard is in some sort of crazy state that I can't even explain as we have sold the sheds and everything from inside of them (including shelves and benches) has been moved outside onto the lawn or cement. The only room that still makes sense is the bathroom, and that is because we cannot pack that room until the morning we are leaving.

As a person who rarely remembers dreams, I'm in a strange situation since this moving has begun. I've been having insanely vivid dreams, that make little sense, about people I used to be friends with but have lost touch with. They are always people I have either had feelings for, or have been very close with in the past. It's kind of strange. I think my brain might be trying to process all the memories from this town and my life so far into dreams, but it's just coming off wrong. I know I'll miss this place and everything it's done for me, and all the people here who have helped me grow as a person, but I can't stay here as there just isn't anything here for me.

I am scared of forgetting things about this place, about the people here, about my own memories here. As anyone would be had they not actually ever lived anywhere else. It's kind of strange for me to make plans this quick and just start doing things to make it happen, rather than planning out the details and creating concise and effective lists of how to do things and when we should have what done. Usually I am so organised about plans like this, but this time, not so much. Then again, having had so many people let me down or disappoint me lately, I'm kind of getting used to having to deal with things as they come, which has often happened, but usually other people deal with it for me, now it's up to me.

So, I apologise for my absence, and I will be making an effort to update you on my life as I move along this new path. This journey shall be an interesting one, and hopefully everything goes according to, well, whatever this is since it's not a plan.

Plans gone haywire!

Over the last few months I've changed my mind about what to do when school finishes so many times I couldn't actually tell you what half the ideas were. At the start of the year though, I was intent on studying audio production at an SAE college in Melbourne, however, after being shot down about anything and everything I attempted to do in order to get myself in a place where I could do that by my mother, I gave up on the idea to focus on studying science at university. This past two weeks I've just decided that I'm going to do what I want, when I want and screw anyone who wants to get in my way. Fortunately, the system via which applications are made closed their first round, and I can still do a late entry, it just costs $86 instead of $25.

So next year, I'm looking at Melbourne. The rent is higher the closer to the city you go, and unfortunately, SAE is in South Melbourne and I'm not keen on traveling too far to school every day. I am however keen on being in the same city as a few people I know, convincing Jess to roadtrip down there for my interview sometime soon and convincing her to move in with me so we can share bills, and also for the amount of bands who either live in or come to Melbourne. I love the music scene down there, I love the art scene down there, I basically love everything about it. And to be able to study what I want to do with the rest of my life would just top it all off.

So now, life begins I guess. I need to stress more about saving to get there than I do about my exams since they are basically irrelevant to my life. I'll obviously still sit them, just to get an ATAR in case I decide to change my entire life, but I'm not going to stress about studying too much, or stress about sitting them like it's the end of my life.

I'm going to get my tattoo, move where I want to, study what I want to and where I want to, and for once, be happy that these decisions are what I want, not something I'm doing to keep other people happy. And I will be content no matter who turns away from me for making these choices. It's my life, and I will do what I wish.

These Cake Mark brownies are the most delicious brownies I have ever eaten, I swear it. They are a product of Canada, yet their company address is for the UK and I found them in the US aisle of my supermarket which leaves me vaguely confused.

But, if they have these in your country you need to try them, they aren't as chocolatey as home made brownies can be, but they are certainly delicious.

For the bad days, and the good things.

Every single day I struggle to remind myself of why I love my life, why I am happy and of what lies ahead for me. It becomes especially hard in the stressful times, such as the last exams before I leave high school, and when friends basically suck, and even worse when you're sick during it all, nobody seems to notice or care, and you are reminded of your every flaw constantly, all while being home alone curled up on the lounge with a dodgy pink blanket playing the Sims because none of your friends seem to care enough to drop by or give you a call and see how you're feeling...

Oh dear, that was a tangent, but yes, that's an accurate description of my life since school ended last week.

And since I've been so down, and eating a lot to compensate for the lack of people around, I thought I'd make a self encouragement post, not only for myself, but for anyone who is feeling a little down. So here goes: in the form of a list, the top 5 ways I try to boost my mood.

1. Every day, especially on the days I have to force myself to study, I think about the end result. The harder I work for what I want, the less other people's opinions and judgments matter, and the better my results will be. This works whether it's for study, work or even personal achievements. Stop thinking about what other people think or want from you and focus on what matters to YOU! It'll make it a lot easier.
2. I don't stress about results, because I can work with whatever I get, and I can't change how well I did. So what I'm saying is, become adaptable to what you're achieving, what's going on around you and focused on improving for the next step.
3. No matter how crap everyone around me is being, especially friends, I constantly have to remind myself that they are replaceable, even the ones that seem to have been around for a long time. So instead of focusing my energy on keeping my friends happy, I focus on keeping me happy, and on keeping the family I have happy, because me and my family can't change, friends can.
4. Always take time to relax! I can't stress how important this one is. I try to take time every single day to focus on me. Cooking dinner, watching a favourite TV show or movie, or talking to someone about something that matters.
5. Keep your Sims happy... Or you know, if you don't play Sims, remember to look after yourself the way you do them. Keep up with your basic needs, but don't forget to treat yourself sometimes. Chocolate releases endorphins, so use that excuse when you want some.

I'm pretty sure I just got really off topic in that list, but they are the things I do regularly when I feel the mood coming on that leads to unexpected crying in the shower or late at night for no real reason, or when I feel like everyone around me just plain sucks and I need to cry on behalf of their sucky-ness. Or you generally just have crappy friends like me, and would rather be alone and content than angered by their stupidity, hypocrisy, arrogance and down right crappy personalities.


Right now, I'm going to finish watching Good News World, feel good about myself and sleep until around 10am if not later, just because I can on a Tuesday, or any day now, and then play the Sims until I can hear out of my right ear, not that anyone cares about how sick I am, not even the people I call my best friends. But that's fine, when I get cancer, I'll be sure not to tell them so they don't have to feel bad about not giving a shit about me.


I was going to sign off with an 'I'll be out and about until next time' and then I realised that more realistically, I should sign off with this:


I'll be in bed, playing Sims like a friendless loser, suffering from a really bad flu and hoping I can be bothered to wash my hair in the morning, until next time, have a better day... week... life than me.

Crayola and Skittles Costumes.

Just thought I'd throw these two pictures up so a better idea is had of the costume ideas I was having.

Homer Hudson.

In my time, I've eaten quite a few ice cream brands. And today, I think I just discovered the greatest tasting one yet: Homer Hudson's 'Hoboken Crunch.' It's an amazingly smooth and creamy vanilla ice cream with yummy chunks of two of my favourite things: chocolate and caramel. It's seriously delicious, and I'm not even an ice cream person. I think everyone should try it.

My other big thing right now is... Well anything with spinach in it: spinach pasta, spinach lasagna, and since spinach is so often with ricotta, a lot of spinach and ricotta stuff too. One of my favourites is a chicken and spinach cannelloni my mum cooks; it's got everything I love in it, and tomato, but it's still delicious. 

Yeah, I love food. Mostly meal foods, dinner foods and the like. I don't really find lunch a greatly appreciable meal, but I love soups, so that tends to be something I eat a lot for lunch. Breakfast is toast, or eggs. I don't love or hate pancakes, or waffles or whatever else, I'm just not good with eating in the mornings.

But dinners, they are where the variety really starts to come out in food and cooking abilities. You can do anything for dinner, something as simple as the standard meat and vegetables, all the way to an inventive and creative dish mixing multiple cuisines. It's also the meal you see how different cultures eat far better, although a lot of dinner meals can be transferred to lunch, nobody really has that much time.

Switching topics, because I could rant about food all day, and still nobody would care. January 1st is my 19th birthday, and in Australia, that means it's my second birthday that I can legally drink for. For the past month or so, people have been asking me what I'm going to do for it, and telling me that it has to top my 18th, which was amazing. Tonight, I might have just had a break through idea. I've been contemplating a backyard costume party for some time, but I haven't had any sort of theme ideas, until tonight.

So, for the first time, I would like to have a 'Crayola Party.' After discovering this amazing crayola costume on costumeexpress.com the idea just popped into my head. Get a bunch of people, and make them wear a colour of crayola costume that starts with the first letter of their name, for example, my name is Sam, so I would pick a crayola colour that starts with 'S.' I could go for something obvious like scarlet, or something very Crayola like Sunset Orange.

The other idea I had was also thanks to costumeexpress.com and is a 'Favourite foods Party.' I found both a costume for Skittles and one for Starburst. So since there are a bunch of them, I was thinking everyone could just find their favourite food and wear a costume of it. There are also a bunch of different coloured M&M's, so I could make it food specific.

The amount of costumes available makes it easy for me to just say 'oh I'm just having a costume party, dress however you want' but I think it'd be more fun if there was a theme, even if it's just an 'S' party or something.

MUCK UP DAY!

After 13 years of education, yesterday I completed my last high school classes, ending on a double maths, and last night attended my last school dance, and today was our muck up day. Most of my year stayed at school overnight, but I had a friend staying at my house who wasn't in year 12 so I decided to go home.

When I got to school, one of the blocks, our practical subject block, food tech, wood tech, music, one of the science labs and the art rooms, I blocks furniture was on the oval next to it. Which, even though the furniture was right below the windows, then had to be carried up a flight of stairs to be returned to the rooms. The chairs were in 3 stacks and then tied together with safety tape and the tables were stacked as well. One of the classrooms from our H block had been moved outside it's window and placed exactly the same, and the teacher actually taught her class at the outside setup for first period.

The deputy principals office was sticky noted on the outside, floor to ceiling, as was the gardeners shed door. There was vaseline on door handles, heaters and various poles. All of year 12's cars were parked in the quadrangle, which is also a basketball/netball court, and wrapped in gladwrap, and one was driven up a few stairs onto this platform kind of thing. There was a year 9 kid gladwrapped to a flag pole, one of the rooms in H block had been TP'd, the next one had christmas wrapping hanging in front of the door and a bunch of clothes hung from the roof, the next one had all the furniture turned upside down, and the last one on the line had everything stacked up.

One of the I block classrooms had all the posters taken down or written on with whiteboard marker. There was flour on the fans, and all over the outside ground. There was gladwrap between all the poles to get up the stairs to H and I block without walking the entire way around the library. In between H and I block there was a line of chairs stacked on top of each other.

On top of this, our entire year dressed in crazy costumes; I was a carebear, there was a wizard, a fairy, an old man, an angel, batman, the red power ranger, the queen of hearts, a tiger, 5 of the guys were in morphsuits (which are deeply disturbing and super tight full body suits, including the head), and a few things I can't actually name.

We ran a bbq lunch and a chocolate wheel raffle, and raised a lot of money in an attempt to make our formal entirely free. We did a freeze-mob in the local shopping centre in our costumes. Other than that, we basically chilled out and cleaned up a large amount of the mess we made.

Tomorrow morning, we have our final formal assembly to say that we made it and actually did complete year 12, which I really don't wish to attend, but I will. Then over the next two months we have our final exams and then our formal. 

I'm so glad it's over.

Kaksi yötä ja paljon alkoholia

This weekend was one of the best I've had in a while, up until this morning. After two nights of consecutive drinking, and one day of a minor hangover, today couldn't be a day of comfort, it had to be a day of pain, tiredness and regret.

We decided to borrow SingStar from a friend of ours because none of us own it, and intended to play it while under the influence. However, this never actually went to plan as we played it while sober, then never got round to playing it while we were drinking. 

The first night, Friday, there were three of us drinking together, Jess, Abbey and I, and while we tried our hardest to think of other people we could actually be bothered to spend time with much less drink with, it didn't work out so well. So along with a Batman mask, about 15 jelly shots and a large amount of vodka and orange juice, we danced and sung along to an awesome playlist of songs like Birthday Sex, Inescapable and Introvert Extrovert. The night was easy, started early and ended likewise. We were drunk and in bed by 10pm. Given, none of us got much sleep because that's what alcohol does.
 
The next morning, I woke up to Abbey cleaning the house at 9am and a slight hangover which was mostly just tiredness. The day was one of comfort food including bacon on toast and a lot of water. We again played SingStar while sober and at some point during the day Jess had to go home, so it was just Abbey and I.

The Saturday night was just Abbey, myself and some more vodka and juice. However, after 4 drinks we were as drunk as we have ever been, however we drank those 4 drinks in about 3 hours, and they were strong. So after taking about 100 photos we decided it was time to talk to a lot of different people pointlessly. We still never got around to SingStar, but jamming to songs on iPod dock is just as fun, if not even more so. And at 11.30, once we no longer knew anything about the world around us, we decided that sleep would be an awesome idea, and once again, sleep failed us.

Thus leading us to the greatest hangover of all time today. Fresh air didn't help, water didn't help, food didn't help, tea didn't help, Nurofen didn't help. Nothing helped, and nothing made it worse either, so I am typing this with a nasty headache and a churning stomach that doesn't appear to be going away today.

The photo's in order of appearance are, one of Jess, Abbey and I with a Jelly shot on Friday night; Abbey and I on Saturday night; Abbey and I mucking around with photobooth effects on Saturday night; and finally, Abbey and I with my curly straw. As you can see, at some point during the Saturday night I thought both red lipstick and putting my hair up would be a good idea.


And this is the first weekend of many to come on the down hill run to the end of school forever.

lopussa

As it turns out, I have exactly a week until my last ever day of school. This time next Thursday I will have received my year 12 certificate and be done for good, except for exams. It's both daunting and exciting. Especially since I was under the impression all year that I wasn't sitting my HSC exams for an ATAR. Apparently this has changed and now I am getting an ATAR and the pressure is on. Aside from that, the entire class is under pressure to bring the entire range of marks up so that our school and our group looks good, which should be easy enough.

Tomorrow is basically a day off because the entire year is being allowed to have a day on the snow just because we haven't been allowed to take part for the last 2 years, and I refuse to go, so that means I get a lovely day at home. Then I have the weekend, Friday night shall be drunken and full of SingStar and entertainment with Jess and Abbey. Photos are sure to follow. Then my last ever week of school begins with the last two days of class which I think I only miss one class for. Then Wednesday is our muck up day, which the school is calling 'Activities Day' just to make us attempt to behave. Hopefully I'll be able to acquire the care bear costume I want from a friend, otherwise I have no idea what I'll go as. I'll probably just wear a wig of some sort. Hopefully plenty of photos will come from this too. Then Thursday morning we have our year 12 certificate receiving assembly which will probably go for an hour, and then we are done. 

No more waking up at 7am to make sure I manage to get to school on time. No more classes. No more assignments. No more teachers threatening us with N awards. No more wasting my entire day staring at walls pretending I'm actually learning something.

For the next almost 2 months it's nothing but studying. Revision. Possibly learning a lot of the stuff I never payed attention for. This especially accounts for my two sciences.

I also have to somehow make up my mind about what to do next year. Whether I'll go to uni or get a job or just sleep on the couch and play Sims and baby sit my nephew every afternoon. This is the hardest part of it all, well aside from saying goodbye to some people I genuinely like and will miss, and will more than likely never see or speak too again. I can still face-stalk them. I'll probably leave school crying, or cry when I get home or something.

For now though, I will continue to watch X-Factor, move my playstation and get some SingStar practice in so that I can pretend I can sing tomorrow night.

sairauspäivät

Having spent the last 4 days in bed with a nasty dose of some infectious germs taking over my body, I had plenty of time to think about my undecided future.

Over the last few years I have had some great ideas about what to do with my future, mostly coinciding with whatever phase I was in the midst of at the time.

When I went through my painting every week phase I wanted to be either an artist or a tattooist. After I got a set of lip piercings I wanted to be a tattooist/piercer. When I was doing really well in science in year 10, I wanted to study biology. This was then followed by lawyer, writer, illustrator, audio technician, architect, engineer, public servant, translator, embassy official travel agent physicist and most recently, permanent student.

I clearly follow no patterns when deciding my future, but two things are clear. I like money, and I like the creative industries. So instead of actually picking a career, I've gone with possibly the most logical thing so far: do whatever I get accepted to do after making various job and education applications. So far the only things I've applied for are a course in tourism and a job with the public service.

There are few things I am sure about when it comes to my future, I know only that I want to travel, speak many languages and live mostly in either Helsinki or Baltimore, or both equally. I know nothing about what I want in relationships, children or career. I don't know what kind of car I want, or even what colour hair I would like to have a week from now.

And so within the next 2 months the journey begins. What will I end up doing? Where will I end up? Will life go well, and the few plans I have go the way I intend?

One thing is for sure, you can't hide from life. The only thing you can do is take it head first, because as they say, nobody makes it out alive.

Perhe ja tuttu.

This week has been a good week for family interactions. On Tuesday it was my eldest sister's 30th birthday, yesterday was my Nan on my dad's sides birthday, and tomorrow is my younger sister's birthday. This means that this weekend I get to see my elder two sisters, their respective partners and my two nephews.

It also made a great excuse to bake an insanely awesome cake for my younger sisters birthday, because she's chucking a sad about nobody getting her presents, when in reality, she doesn't want anything, so this was the best I could come up with. Of course, I pissed mum off by wanting to make something a little different, something that I haven't before, nor has she, infact she hasn't even heard of it. 

The choice was a red velvet cake. The cake itself has turned out good as I baked it today. However, I still have to take the top off one of the cakes as it is a layered cake, then I have to make the icing, which is one of my biggest struggles, and decorate it. This is where it might just fall to pieces since I decided to stick with white icing, add random zoo animal sugar decorations around the side, and then spell out 'Happy Birthday Jacqui' on the top in those shiny sugar balls.

Now, while I am quite a competent artist, cake art was never my strong point. To start with, sticking things onto icing is impossible, and I hate getting food on my hands, so I'm not going to love this. Then, while my English is perfect, attempting to spell something correctly on a cake before the sister wakes up might actually kill me. 

The only real good thing to come from tomorrow might be that she is grateful for the effort that went into that damn cake, especially since I am not functional in the morning at all, much less attempting to decorate anything. Also, while everyone has told her they haven't got her anything, I know that my elder sister and Mum have both gotten her things that she will be stoked with and not expect. So hopefully the day turns out alright.

Just a thought...

I feel like I should just start writing this blog entirely in Finnish. It'd force me to learn the language faster and it'd be harder for people to know what I'm saying and about whom.

Actually come to think of it, I'd learn the language faster if I had someone to speak it with, and I don't actually care whether people know what I think of them. I'm just sick of keeping it all inside, and I don't really want to start drama so I avoid them.

Ihmisluonto tuloksia tyhmyys.

Yeah, I have a lot of opinions on things. That's who I am, and I often like to voice them, but since I have no other safe place to let my emotions run rampant, you guys get to suffer.

This past week some of the most ridiculous selfish and stupid actions have been performed by some of the people closest to me, and those happen to be the two traits I cannot stand in people.

Let's start with my lovely father and younger sister. For as long as I can remember, or at least since my parents separated when I was 13, my father has favoured my sister over me. He has given her everything she asked for, and given me nothing. The latest thing to drive me insane, as an apple fanatic who actually cares about their products it annoyed me, would be that my father, who is in debt, is giving my lovely sister an iPhone 4 on a contract, while I, as usual, have to deal with my shitty block phone that barely works and pay for my own credit.

I do not joke when I say she has everything handed to her while I have to pay my way through life and deal with everything on my own. For example, I have had to pay for my last 5 I think phones, which is almost all of them, all but two I think. This iPhone will be her 4th phone in the last year which our parents have payed for. She hasn't paid for any of them in any amount for herself. Another example would be her new laptop. While I used my mothers credit card because I was 17 and obviously couldn't get my own, I still payed mine off by myself, my mother did not put a single dollar on it for me, while my sister did the same act and my mother is now paying it off for her.


When I turned 16 my father cut me off financially, including the legal maintenance payments, when my sister turns 16 she gets 70 dollars a week from him and a phone on a contract.


On top of that, she is insanely irresponsible, disrespectful and has no idea about the value of money so she doesn't take care of her things, or anyone elses.


The next thing to annoy me is the stupidity of some people. I have a friend who was, in the first place, stupid enough to sleep with a guy, twice, and not use any protection, and the guy is a known man whore. Then she realised she could get pregnant (no shit! really? I never would have imagined that's how it happened!) So she went and got a pregnancy test. On the back of the box it says 'accurate up to 99% 7-10 days after conception.' Conception meaning after the sperm has implanted in an egg which can happen up to 5 days after sex, meaning she should have waited at least 10 days, then done a recheck a fortnight later or something to make sure her hormones just weren't effected then. 


Instead she was stupid enough to take one 5 days after sex, when the test is nowhere near being accurate.


Then she got shitty with me when I told her that it was pointless because it wouldn't have accurate results anyway. Whatever, it's the truth.


On top of that, I'm sick of most of my friends being generally shit people, saying shit that hurts other people and being insanely immature. Every few months I go through a low stage, where people easily annoy me, and the usual behaviour begins to drive me insane, or I become aware of how stupid and irresponsible their actions are. I usually spend a lot more time alone, at home, or around the very few people who actually are as mature as I am.


This is my current state, anyone who reads this from the link in my twitter, you will know whether I have been avoiding you, and that's the exact reason why I'm only really spending time alone or with Abbey. Deal with it, you're all shit people and I don't give a fuck, I could live quite easily without your fake bullshit constantly.

itsemurha

Suicide. 

One of the few things that can stop words in my throat, and well up my eyes. The only thing that can actually choke me up, even if it's effecting someone I don't even know.

So many things have led to this. Many friends of mine have attempted suicide, or are/have been avid self harmers. I have a constant fear about 4 close people to me who are all currently in counseling or on drugs, except one, that one of them will just lose it and be gone. My mother attempted suicide multiple times through-out her life. This year alone I have to make two suicide watch calls for friends who had confided that they were going to attempt suicide.

I myself have and do still battle with severe depression, have in the past had self harming tendencies and made suicide attempts.

I feel it's a huge problem that's not being addressed properly in society; depression and suicide. They effect almost every person, and those who don't believe it effects them are naive or ignorant.

People are so focused on not letting people kill themselves that they overlook the reasons most of the time: bullying is the main one, and since people are just plain shit most of the time, nobody knows how to tackle it. It's simple - TEACH PEOPLE TO BE NICE! And create appropriate punishments for bullying. 

It just makes me angry. People need to be less shit.

iPhone 5.

As an avid fan of basically anything that Apple creates (excluding the iPad, which I do love but don't see the point of) I'm obviously listening to the rumours floating around about what the new iPhone will look like. 

So far, I've seen 3 different idea's or concepts of what the iPhone 5 could look like. The first one, is based on an icon seen in something Apple did which I don't know much about. It basically remodels the entire iPhone to have a larger screen, while taking up less space in your pocket, or being shorter and less wide. This iPhone is supposedly taking on it's competitors with a 3.7 inch screen, in comparison to the current 3.5 inch screen. I think it's ugly as anything, and would not waste the 700 or so dollars that it will be released for in Australia on it.



The second design I found was basically just a thinned down version of the iPhone 4. Exact same design and capabilities, no improvements and nothing really changed other than the thickness. It's a photoshopped idea of what some people are expecting. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but if this design is close to what Apple will release then expect the iPhone 5 to infact be an iPhone 4S or similar.

The third and final design, and what I personally hope is the closest to the actual iPhone 5, is allegedly a copy of the iPhone 5 straight from a factory. It looks somewhat like an iPhone 3, however it has the metal strip from the iPhone 4. As a lover of both the iPhone 3 and iPhone 4 designs, this mash up works well for me. It's allegedly thinner than the iPhone 4 and has a larger screen. This is the only way I would bother buying an iPhone 5 over the iPhone 4.



This is just my opinion, and the information on each concept was sourced from idownloadblog.com, gizmodo and giz-china.com. I claim no intelligence to the design the Apple company may produce.

Vaiheet, musiikki ja koulu.

I, like every other person on this planet, have mood swings and mind changes. Unfortunately for everyone else, one of the hugest ones I go through ever few months or so is to not feel sociable at all. Which usually means I become overly shitty, bitchy and down right depressed for about a month or so whenever I have to spend too much time around anyone, much less people who annoy me on a good day. I also become over sensitive to anything anyone does, which means if they are the slightest bit annoying, inconsiderate or mean, I need to leave before I say something I could come to regret. This is me right now.

Unfortunately, one of the people in our group of friends annoys the hell out of me when I am on these 'lows.' And having entered this low on Thursday and having spent the last 2 days with her, I'm not sure it's a good thing. I'm doing well so far, having not actually snapped at anyone. This is because, for once, I have better things to do than deal with drama between people, so isolation is working well for me today.

I also have my last ever school assignment due at 9am in the morning, which I started a few hours ago. I finished part one, but I need to have the information for the second part emailed to me because Mel has it and I don't. Which frustrates me, since we did the prac about 7 weeks ago and she has had about that long to email the information to me.

Change of topic. My mum is going to Canberra for 4 days, 3 nights in 2 weeks, so for the Thursday, Friday, Saturday night of the last week of school for me ever. This means end of holiday drinks and lovely jelly shots will occur, if I can be bothered to be social. It also means the end of the winter ski season. However, she doesn't want me, at the age of 18, to stay at home alone for those nights, which I plan on doing anyway.

The end of winter has already killed me, or close enough. I have a sun burn from my day out yesterday, and I am already wearing jumpers on days where jumpers are probably not appropriate in order to deny the temperature, and to gain better control of the heat when it's actually 40 degrees.

Yesterday, two of my closest friends, Abbey and Mel, went for a picnic with our dogs, because Abbey just got a new puppy and she wants it to be socialised. This went well, mostly.

Now, I'm currently listening to a playlist I made this morning for the sole purpose of listening to while I did my assignment, which took far less time than I had anticipated. And I will now be moving on to either watching tv, playing video games or actually giving a damn about what people are doing. I could even read a book, but that is less likely.

High End Make-up.

Since during winter, my face colour always gets paler (if it even gets tan in summer) and this winter, for some unknown reason, my foundation actually stopped matching my skin. So I've decided to go on a search for an awesome new foundation. I've been using Natio for a year, and it's not giving me the coverage I want and I can't find a colour that matches right.

I've been looking at high end products I'd have to get imported, like MAC or NARS. I recently used a CoverGirl mousse, which I really liked, but nobody here stocks it (disadvantages of a small town,) so the only other option is to order it online. And since to get it posted and pay for it would be around $40, I figure I might as well go for a high end foundation that covers better and would cost me not much more.

I think I like the look of the MAC Studio Fluid Fix SPF15, half because I like foundations with an SPF, and half because it apparently has amazing coverage. I also want to try the NARS Sheer Matte foundation.

They both have a matte effect, they both set easily, they're both oil free and they are both long lasting. However, there is a huge price difference and they both have to come from overseas which means I need to pay for postage as well.

I'm not a make up artist or anything, but I know what I want and like for myself, colour, texture and coverage wise. And I really want an insane collection of make up for everyday and for special occasions. 

If anyone has any advice on their favourite products, let me know, I'm dieing for new make up!

Huonoja päiviä vain pahenee.

They say that if even on your worst days you can still smile, then you are doing well. Judging by the way today has gone, and the fact I still managed somehow to be polite and not bite anybody's heads off, I will presume I've done well.

The day was already destroyed by the season being Spring, so it was never going to be the greatest day, on top of that, I actually had to go to school. At school, it was the usual, which usually I can cope with, but today I was having an off day from a slight lack of sleep and lack of motivation, and finding out that my Friday timetable has changed so that I lose 4 business lessons a fortnight which leaves me with 9 instead of 13 I think. Big blow, especially since it's replaced with English, which is one of two courses I have actually finished while business is one of the 3 I haven't. This basically ruined the day for me, especially since it is a Friday and I had to go to English and I hate English.

Then on top of this, it was 'wear purple to support prevention of suicide related to gay bullying' day, and my best friend decided to have a nice rant about 'why not just have a prevention of suicide caused by bullying day' which I don't agree with because I think you can't tackle problems without tackling the individual causes. So that just, as usual with her voicing her opinions and shutting mine down, made me spend the entire of maths actually doing maths (not that I should complain since I was supposed to be doing maths anyway.)

Then we had English, of course spending any time doing English is going to ruin my mood, but failing the modules section of my exam made it a little worse.


Of course, then I got to spend my lovely lunch in an awesome mood with my friend who will continue to make me want to slap them when I am in a bad mood, and then do stupid inconsiderate shit constantly without thinking, just to make me feel great about myself. So I went home, because it was the end of my day and I just couldn't be bothered to deal with anyone else's crap.


Now that I'm home, I've had a nice fight with my mum about the ingredients of a white sauce recipe. Which was caused by her not listening to my instructions and her own ignorance and belief in her non-existent cooking abilities, even though she's a trained cook.

So my day just keeps getting better. On top of this, she tells me she is going away for 4 nights and that I, at the age of 18, need to get someone to stay with me because I can't stay home alone apparently. Which really annoyed me since I fully intend on moving out within the next 5 months.


So that concludes my day, and I suppose I should finish with something insightful or brilliant, so here goes: if you can't manage to get through the tough days in life, you don't deserve to have the easy days. But don't take life too seriously, nobody gets out in the end anyway.

Mitä minä muistan Canberran teknologiainstituutin.

CIT, the only place that handles tafe courses, degrees and apprenticeships. The Canberra Institute of technology was our second and only REAL stop for the Canberra open uni day. We were greeted at the entry path by CIT staff who directed us to the toilets and gave us a map to show where all the courses information was, as well as the lecture theatre and any daytime attractions. 





As we were leaving we were given free fairy floss, which we took to the car and sat and ate it in the car on our way to get actual food. So enjoy these photo's of myself, Jess and Mel eating fairy floss in the car park at CIT. 










Hopefully I'll be able to obtain the video of the Christmas Barn we visited and the photos of the clothes we forced Jess to try on at a few stores from Mel and post them in the next few days.

Kauneus uusista asioista.

Life is constantly changing and moving, helped along by the decisions of yourself and those who can influence your life.

Today, my sister informed me that a friend of hers is moving out of her apartment into a new one, and might want to rent it out. Being of the age where I want to move out of home, and knowing a good friend of mine is also keen to move out of home and get a job, I've talked to her and it looks like if my sister can talk to her friend we'll be moving out together in a month or two. I know the girl who owns the apartment, and I know she has a dog the same breed as mine, so she should let me take my dog with me, which is a great thing, because I love my dog.

This also means I'd have to change my plans a little, not move to Canberra to study or work but do that here, either by whatever they do here or by correspondence. Neither of which worries me too much. It also means I'd still be able to have influence on the youth council I'm part of, and my youth development officer would probably get me to join the council.

It means I'd have time to get my license and learn to actually drive the car I've nearly payed off. I'd also probably be able to convince my best friend to stay here and either travel to study or only go to Canberra and come home on weekends. I'd also be allowed to drink more often.

On another note, I am among 3 people who are close to me suffering the pain of a piercing this week. I got my tragus, Jess has her lip and my sister Jacqui just got her tongue done tonight. We can discuss healing time, swelling and cleaning methods.

Now, I'm off to drink some coke, listen to the fish tank's new filter dribble water back through and listen to some good music.

Saaret, yliopistot ja kaupunkiin.

This weekend was supposed to be dedicated to an open day for all the universities in Canberra. Instead, the things we will remember will be related to driving, cops, movies, and basically anything except the actual courses at the universities.

We checked out two places, the ANU and one of the CIT campus's. We drove through the ANU campus and learnt nothing of their courses because we left after we got lost, drove over an island and drove past a house whose entire members smelt strongly of sweat, stronger than I have ever smelt in my life.

We bailed on that and incidentally found a CIT campus on our way to a different CIT campus, and just stopped there. We learnt a little about the courses, had a nice time exploring and we got given free fairy floss on our way out. It was decent and we actually considered going to CIT.

We spent about 2 hours lost driving all over the place and all through the city, then once we were done at CIT we decided we were tired of looking at universities so we decided to go get some food.

We spent about 45 minutes giving Jess the worst outfits we could possibly find in a few stores. Then we decided to get some food and head home. That took about an hour to eat,  and then on our way home we stopped at a Christmas decoration store in a tiny town.

The best part of the trip had to be the day before. The trip up was pretty decent, nothing too interesting, but we stopped at DFO and decided it would be a great idea to get a new piercing. So Jess and I got pierced, she got her lip done and I got my tragus done. I like this new piercing, and even though I was told things about it hurting a lot and making a 'pop' sound, it was pain free until I poked it today and there was no sound.


We also went to the movies last night to see Friends with Benefits. It was really funny and Justin Timberlake is really attractive, I think I might buy it when I can.


Anyway, I've got things to do before I can sleep since I am seriously sleep deprived having not slept more than probably 6 hours in the last two nights. I'm going to try to post a few photos over the next few days if they worked out properly.

Tänään.

Today was one of those days where you just don't manage to get out of bed until after lunch, or out of your sleep clothes at all. At this time, I should have been leaving school, contemplating a shower or thinking about when to eat something.

Sometimes in times of serious stress, my brain just stops functioning. There is no possible way for me to get my shit together by 8.55am and be at school and then manage to learn something on days when my brain decides to take a break. This means I'll usually spend 15 - 18 hours in bed, get up around lunch time, eat something really crappy that has no health benefits what so ever, then lounge around until I feel tired again, probably watching movies or TV or playing some game.


Today it took until 12.30pm to get out of bed, then I ate some fish & chips my mum got for me, and watched The Big Bang Theory until the second season ended and I was too lazy to get off the lounge and get the third season.


On another note, Steve Jobs resigned as CEO of Apple, and apparently Tim Cook has been appointed the new CEO. I'm kind of excited to see what's going to happen to their designs and products, and especially keen to see if the release of the iPhone 5 will be on track for early October or if they hold off for a bit.


Once again jumping topics, I'm off to Canberra for a university open day in Canberra tomorrow afternoon and coming home Saturday night. I'm excited for a few reasons; I get to see my nephew who is about 6 weeks old, and of course my lovely sister and her husband; I get to go out in Canberra with 2 of my best friends, Mel and Jess; I possibly get to meet one of Jess's good friends, Tim; and I get to inquire about various courses and campus's. Here's a lovely photo of Jess, myself and Mel taken about a month ago. 


Of course, I should be more excited to go see a movie with these two and possibly Tim than I am to pour vodka into my slushy, but for the last week I've been feeling the need for some good old stress relief, and alcohol is usually a good start. I do like a good few drinks when the time comes, and that time often comes on a Friday and/or Saturday night. And drinking in a different environment when I have a designated driver, who is also on antibiotics and thus cannot drink even if she wanted to, is a nice way to begin half a weekend away.


Anyway, I have to eventually pack for the night way, my list including a bottle of vodka, a change of underwear, jeans, jumper and socks. Tomorrow nights clothing will be bought tomorrow afternoon while Jess gets her lip pierced, aside from my stockings which I'll be wearing, and my boots, which I'll also be wearing, and my jacket. So really I'm only buying a dress. I also have to remember to check my car's battery, make sure I have the appropriate travel things in the car, charge my phone, find the car keys in the car, and then remember to go to school in the morning.


I'm going to attempt to take some photos of things and places that are blog-worthy so I can start to post photos as well as my long text posts that are basically so I can remember my thought process's and things I've done this year without forgetting half of them.


Now, off to pack some clothing and pajamas. And makeup. And toiletries. And whatever else comes to mind at the time, and try to fit it into a handbag so I don't need anything bigger. And I need to have a super long shower tonight. Oh this is going to be a long afternoon. On the plus side, Jess will be here at some point, so then I can chill and have an excuse to not do anything.

lähtölaskenta

The countdown is almost over, 77 total days until my last day of school, or more actually, my final HSC exam, 28 days that I have to set foot inside of my school.

13 years of the same routine about to end for good. I'm both stoked and scared, life begins in 4 months, at the start of next year.

I'm in the process of applying and visiting universities and other tertiary education centres, and also applying for jobs. I'm considering lots of different options, including getting official training and degree's in a second language, some kind of design degree and government work. I decided these are the three things I can basically take overseas with me, to the country I wish to move to, Finland.

Tämä on minulle. :)

Tervetuloa Minun Maailmaani.

Hi, my name is Sam, I'm 18 and live in a small tourist driven town in Australia. I'm currently completing my final year of high school and learning a second language, Finnish, which is obvious from the title, 'tervetuloa minun maailmaani' which translates to 'welcome to my world.' 

I'm quite different to most people, I have a strange way of seeing things, and a bad habit of envisioning things which never quite go to plan. I've been through hell and come out a better person, and I can't stand those who use their past as an excuse to do bad things.


I love winter, food and travel so expect to see a lot of that. I have a serious love for Finland and all things Finnish, and I would love to live their in the future, hopefully the not too distant future.

I have a few close friends who I spend a lot of time doing things with, a lovely toy poodle and a dysfunctional family.

Most of what I'm going to post will either be things I'm doing, have seen, am reading, am writing or random thoughts.

So welcome to my life, tervetuloa elämääni. Enjoy.