December.

So it's December. It's also 28 days until both the new year and my 19th birthday. After this year having been such an insane mess, I am quite glad to see the new year in. A few small detours in plans have been made, and unfortunately, the disorder of my life right now is starting to mess with my head. This combined with the huge changes headed my way, I'm lost in the maze that is my mind, and nothing is working right. My thoughts are jumbled, my emotions are scattered and worse of all, I can't seem to find the motivation to actually do anything productive because of it all.

Even worse than that, my other, more public blog, has been recently followed by a few people I am quite close to. And while I don't mind that too much, the fact that the person I trust least and live with, that being my younger sister, is now reading my blog, I feel unsafe posting my thoughts on there. With that outlet no longer available, I'm not entirely sure what to do to offload my emotions and thoughts. My inability to talk to people about it is certainly not helping, and I can assure you, I have tried, but it's just not comfortable for me. It's easier to write it all out where anyone can read it, but nobody can really give me feedback.

There are so many things running around that I want to just spit out at the nearest person, but I can't find the words. I just want to curl up in bed for weeks knowing that I'm not even sure where I will be for Christmas or my birthday. I hate not having plans that are set in stone, so it's truly driving me insane. My feelings towards people in general and also specific people are all jumbled too, because I'm sure the stress of everything is just taking a toll in a strange way. If someone would please just sort out all of my issues so I don't have to, I will be very grateful.

I am entirely sure that most of this post did not make sense, and will therefore reflect my thoughts quite well. Since everything is still quite crazy, even outside of my head, I would like to preemptively wish everyone who reads this a happy holidays and a great entrance into the new year.