You know those days when it's already a bad day, and you've already hit the bottom of your mood scale, yet the world decides to torture you by making nothing go right? I'm having one of those today.
I woke up this morning in an awful mood so I stayed in bed. I just lay in bed until after noon, then decided to get up. Only to find my some what sister here on her lunch break. Now I love Louise, she has been a big part of my life over the past 10 years, but especially in the last year. Over the past few weeks she has taken it upon herself, without actually knowing of my abilities, of the things I do around the house and of the things that are and have been my responsibilities over the past two years, the job of lecturing me every time I breathe. So I got out of bed, in an already bad mood only to receive the longest lecture known to man about how I need to grow up, act my age, start paying the bills which are in fact my mothers bills, start taking responsibility and suck up the fact that we are moving.
Now, as far as moving goes, I think I've come to the understanding that I have no choice and have thus sorted out my intentions for the next two years despite wanting to be approximately 30 hours from the destination which is planned. My level of responsibility around my home often borders on child labour since I am the one who mostly makes sure we are not in debt or having power, phone lines or water cut off or being evicted, so I think I'm plenty capable of handling money and taking responsibility for myself. And as for whatever reasons she has that I am incapable of looking after myself, she should look at her own life and the way her home is run instead of saying that I need to grow up.
So after she left I returned to bed for a little while, to watch more Gossip Girl, because it was my escape route today. Only to find myself spending my afternoon fighting back tears, which I can assure you is a difficult thing for me to do. If it comes to the point I want to cry, and my body actually reaches a point of tears forming, it is obviously effecting me far worse than anyone realises.
It comes to the evening, and my mother has to go and babysit for Louise. She leaves, and reminds me that dinner is cooking. So I decided to wait until the end of the episode of Gossip Girl I was watching to go and get myself some food. When I went to check on the food, it had stuck to the bottom of the pan, everything I tried to touch was destroyed because it was stuck. So I got my food, took it to my room and then people turned up to look at a bed we are selling.
They were two ladies, and one was a blonde with a face that appeared to have had more work done that Heidi Montag to put it nicely. She spent the entire time giving me extremely dirty looks, and I was not at all comfortable with that. However, the other lady seemed nice enough. After they left, they let my dogs out the front door and they like to run away for a minute, so that was fun. Then my sisters small dog refused to come back inside. Instead she went and stood in the backyard until my sister came home and made her come inside. While I was outside trying to make one dog come inside, the other tried to eat my food and it began to rain.
So here I am, with a phone that refuses to do anything that makes it a phone instead of a torch, internet that is barely functioning due to an incompetent provider and family members with no respect towards the capabilities of the internet and the rain pouring outside my bedroom window. I'm not entirely sure my mood could get any worse, but I'm not going to test it because I don't particularly enjoy crying and that is the point I am at right now.
I still don't want to move, I intend on getting a tattoo next month while I'm living with my sister, I have to pay bills for things I'm not using while I stay in Canberra and everyone else is in Hervey Bay and I'm really not sure when I'm going to get there due to a lack of flights. I have 7 nights until the journey begins and who knows how many until it ends. On another note, HSC results and ATAR's are released next week and I know I need a 63.5 and I'm freaking out because I don't think I will get it, and then I have no backup plan. If I don't get those marks, my backup plan is ruined since my first plan was destroyed at the hands of other people.
I hope everyone has a happy holiday period and celebrates in style.
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